The Changing Face of Funerals

 

The evolution of funerals over the past 200 years highlights a shift from rigid, uniform practices to more individualised and diverse expressions of mourning and celebration. 

Religious funerals in churches and other places of worship followed by burials are now less popular. Many families now chose cremation where the service is held at a crematorium.

 

Whilst some families still opt for traditional funerals with mourners dressed in black, in recent years increased cultural diversity has brought  about varied funeral traditions. There has been a shift towards less formal and more personal dress choice and the incorporation of more diverse cultural attire in our multicultural societies.

 

Families often request attendees wear specific colours or even themed attire to reflect the deceased’s interests such as football shirts, or other sports attire, sometimes even dressing as favourite characters from films or television programmes.

 

 

 

Coffins may be traditional wood or they be brightly coloured. Wrapped in the colours of a favourite football team, represent another sport of hobby, or they may be more environmentally friendly such as cardboard or wicker, or have messages written on them from their family and friends

 

 

 

Funeral ceremonies can be colourful or traditional, play hymns or rock and pop music, have readings and poems, friends and relatives sharing stories from their life. A service containing a balance of tears and laughter, a true refection of someone's personality. Even floral tributes can honour their hobbies.

 

 

Technology now also allows for virtual attendance for people who for whatever reason cannot attend the service in person. This became increasingly popular throughout covid

 

 

 

There is a variety of transport available too, some families choose transport that reflective of their loved ones life rather than a traditional hearse.

 

 

 

 

 

Colourful floral tributes that reflect people hobbies and life choices are also now more commonplace, along with rituals like releasing dove, balloons or blowing bubbles amongst them.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Green funerals and environmentally friendly funerals have become increasingly popular with biodegradable caskets and natural burials, with trees planted to mark the burial site rather than a gravestone.

     

     

    Due in large to the economic climate Direct Funerals  have become more popular.

    A direct funeral generally means  there is no opportunity for family to visit the deceased or for family and friend to attend a funeral service.

    This however does not mean that there cannot be a Celebration of Life for your loved one.

     

    Just as people hold a wake in a pub, hotel or private room, so you can hire a celebrant to write and conduct a service for you in a similar place, or somewhere that was special to the deceased, at a time that is convenient for everyone, so at a weekend or in an evening. This way you are not restricted by time or convention, so many people can share their stories, so why not have a ceremony and a wake together and raise a toast to your loved one.

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

           

          Whatever kind of funeral you want (with the exception of a religious church service) i can provide, whether it is something simple and respectful, something over the top or something somewhere in between then i can help you have the send off that is right for you and your loved one. 

          Wedding Planning

          It is the day most young girls dream about and hopefully it will be something you only do once, so it needs to be perfect, perfect for you that is. Remember this day is all about the people getting married, trying to please everyone is impossible, so the best thing you can do is on the whole to please yourself, of course there is always an element of compromise whether that's due to budget or being respectful of others feelings.

          I have been married twice, my first wedding was quite stressful for many reasons, but partly because there were too many people involved arranging it, all having different ideas and wanting different things which made it a nightmare. 

           

          There were lots of obstacles along the way to overcome and i will tell you about this here.

           

          First Wedding

          I was 19 when I married my first husband, and I wanted the big white wedding in a church, which was all that was really on offer back then other than the registrar’s office.

          We booked the church and the afternoon and evening reception were booked in the same place, but just a few weeks before the wedding the venue came back to us and told us they had doubled booked and basically as we were the smaller wedding they could no longer give us the large room upstairs but could accommodate us in the public bar, which we may have considered but they refused to close the bar to the public, so people we didn't know would have been able to join in our wedding party. Is you might guess we refused this not so kind offer and set about finding another venue which was not going to be easy with such short notice.

          We couldn't find one venue that could accommodate both our day and evening receptions so we had to book two separate venues, one for the afternoon reception and meal and another for the evening reception and these were some distance apart so to make it easier for our guests we decided we would lay on transport for the afternoon venue to the evening venue.

          So now I have set the scene let me tell you about the day.

          I had the big white wedding dress and veil, 4 bridesmaids in peach, whose dresses I hired, the men in the wedding party all wore their own suits not matching as my husband to be did not want formal suits and I arrived in a white Rolls Royce.

          We had the usual staged pictures in the gardens opposite the church and then we had hired a coach to take all the guests to the reception.

          The coach arrived late; it was more of a charabanc as the one we had ordered had apparently broken down en route. (strike 1)

          We arrived at the venue only to find all the beautiful gardens had been dug up and the hotel was surrounded by scaffolding diggers and wooden planks  had been placed across the mud as a bridge to the entrance, I was as you might imagine not best pleased as we had not been warned about any of this. (strike 2)

          Our tables were traditionally set out with a top table and the other tables coming out as legs from the top table. We sat down to the meal, and I could hear a whisper going around, but nobody wanted to tell me what was going on. It turned out that many of the bread rolls for the soup were mouldy. (strike 3)

          After the meal and the speeches, we were asked to vacate the room and wait outside whilst the staff cleared it to serve our after-dinner drinks, which was not happening and I set about finding another room to use. (strike 4)

          The evening reception was at a different venue as the hotel had been unable to accommodate us for both the daytime and evening receptions and the coach/ charabanc duly delivered us to our evening reception.

          On arrival we were called into the office to be told that our DJ had had an accident and would not be coming, but thankfully they had found a stand in at short notice (strike 5)

          All in all the day went well as we didn't let any of these things upset us, but they could have really ruined the day if we had let them.

          Sadly after 7 years together we went our separate ways, but we had two beautiful daughters to show for our years together.

           

          Second Wedding

          When it came to a second wedding, we wanted something completely different, times had changed and there was so much more choice.  

          We were both over 50, we had both been married before, and we had been living together for almost 20 years, so we didn't want a big church wedding, but we didn't really want a registry office wedding either.

          We thought we would be something small and simple, but our granddaughters wanted to be flowers girls and we couldn't disappoint them, so we had an small gathering at the Registrar’s Office to complete the legal part with just close family and friends, no fuss no frills and no vows other than those we were legally required and no exchange of rings. This was done the day before we were having our actually celebrant wedding service.

           

          At the time we were living on a small holding so we decided we would have the wedding in a marquee on the paddock where we kept our animals, this was going to be done on a tight budget too, as looking after animals doesn't come cheap.

          We decided on June as it always seems to be a relatively nice month weather wise, and the theme was to be rustic to fit in with the surroundings.

          The wedding party would be made up of our nearest and dearest so it would be 4 Bridesmaids, 3 flower girls, 2 Paige boys, a Bestman and my lovely friend to give me away.

          We bought a large marquee from eBay in December when the prices were low (which I sold it after the wedding in the summer for more than I paid for it) and I ordered a roll of cheap carpet to cover the grass in the marquee from eBay.

          I bought lengths of satin type material in my wedding colours to a draped across the ceiling and decorated a chandelier that I already had for the centre of the ceiling.

          Then using large hoola hoops and pool noodles I made flower circlets to also hang from the ceiling at each end of the marquee along with lots of clear baubles dotted about containing battery operated tealights that worked by remote control, along with several strings’ fairy lights.

          Scattered around the marquee were lots of gin bottles filled with fairy light, (drinking all that gin was a difficult task, but someone had to do it and that was me!)

          Then I set to work searching eBay and local sites for wooden chairs to seat people and bought lots of them which I then bought second hand cream wedding chair covers for, so they all looked uniform on the day. I bought second hand chiffon ties for half of the chairs and made the others from strips of burlap which I also then decorated with a sprig of artificial eucalyptus.

          For extra seating we had bales of straw around the edge of the marquee covered in blankets in colours matching the satin on the ceiling.

          I created a feature flower panel from a metal sheet and artificial flowers to go behind the table that would hold the cake and the ribbons for the handfasting that we had chosen as part of our service, and I made the handfasting ribbons used to tie them all together.

          My daughter made the wedding cake, 3 tiers all different flavours, which was gorgeous and my son in law made the cake stand from a branch and sliced logs, it was perfect for the theme.

          I bought lots of brightly coloured artificial flowers, which I bought from Dunelm, Home Bargains and eBay over a few months  which I used to make all the bouquets, the button holes, to decorate an arch I bought for outside the entrance of the marquee and to fill some second hand milk churns for either side of the arch

          We bought some old barrels which we used for the bar and as a stand for the laptop which had a play list downloaded.

          We ordered two barrels of beer from a local pub which they set up for us with pumps, made 25 litres of punch in a tea urn and asked people to bring drinks rather than gifts as there was nothing we needed and we just wanted them to enjoy the day with us.

          For the food we had a hog roast done by a local company, we bought a second-hand baked potato oven, (which I resold for more than I paid for it after the wedding) and provide cheese and coleslaw and we had a cheese and biscuit cart.

          There were party poppers and bubbles for when we walked back down the aisle and foam light sabres for the evenings dancing.

          I made a picture frame from a hoola hoop covered in twine and flowers that was used by guest taking pictures.

          I bought second hand bridesmaid dresses for my 4 bridesmaids and a friend altered the style slightly, the 3 flower girls wore store bought dresses and the 2 Paige boys wore suits, the groom and the best man hired suits from a local shop , I had no say in what they wore and it was a surprise for me when I saw them looking like something out of Peaky Blinders cap and all, and I bought my wedding dress from a wedding dress warehouse.

          We hired a fabulous young singer who worked as a busker in the local town he, entertained our guest whilst we signed the wedding certificate and for part of the night and he went down a storm.

          We began the ceremony with a ring warming that included all the wedding party blessing our rings with their love and good wishes.

          We decided to write our own vows, my husband really surprised me by taking inspiration from a film that is special to us 'Love Actually' and had members of our family and friends stand up with his vows on white card and read them out, it was magical and we ended with a handfasting. 

          Our grandchildren handing us a different coloured ribbon each, tied together with a cord made of a combination of the ribbon colours. 

          We had friends do readings and had a couple of speeches, but it was all very relaxed and informal, just the way we wanted it to be.

          The weather wasn't kind to us, we had all kinds of things planned for outside, seating, lights and games for the children but there was torrential rain for a couple pf days before the wedding and on the day of the wedding but we didn't let this dampen out spirits.

          We ate, drank and danced into the early hours of the morning and as the weather was bad everyone stayed inside the marquee and the atmosphere was fabulous, it was everything we had hoped for and more.

          That is the beauty of having a celebrant wedding, it can be anything you want it to be, there are really so few restrictions.

          Our wedding was a few years ago now, and people still talk about what a different and wonderful day it was and how much they enjoyed it and have told so many people they about the day.